‘I’m Not A Product’: Nigerian Woman Refuses Bride Price After Seeing Cousin’s Negotiation.
A Nigerian woman living in the U.S., Blessing Nwachukwu, recently opened up about her decision not to have a bride price paid for her during her wedding. Now divorced, she shared her thoughts in a Facebook post on March 3.
Nwachukwu explained that the turning point for her came after she witnessed her cousin’s bride price negotiation in their village. Although women are typically not allowed in such discussions, she was there as the photographer and had a front-row seat to the entire process.
She recalled, “The day I realized I didn’t want anyone paying a bride price for me was during my cousin’s bride price negotiation. Women usually aren’t allowed in the room, but I was there as the photographer, so I had access.”
As she watched the haggling unfold, she felt that the negotiation was less about love and commitment, and more about treating the woman like a commodity. The situation, she said, was uncomfortable, with the in-laws even threatening to leave at one point. Eventually, they agreed on a price that, in her eyes, was absurdly high and would today amount to millions of Naira, along with other demands like goats and yams. The justification for this price was that her cousin held a master’s degree from the UK.
After witnessing this, Nwachukwu knew she didn’t want to be part of that kind of tradition. She told her mother that she would not participate in a traditional marriage unless it didn’t involve any significant bride price. Instead, she suggested a nominal dowry, like $1 or the smallest Nigerian note. She emphasized that she didn’t want to feel like she was being sold.
Nwachukwu shared this stance in 2013, and the internet erupted. Many people told her she would regret her decision, but 12 years later, she remains firm. “I don’t believe in paying bride prices. Why should my husband-to-be be billed to marry me? Marriage is a partnership. If his family is paying, then my family should do the same to balance things out. I am not a product. I’m not for sale.”
She continued, “Is marriage a one-sided thing? Is the pleasure one-sided? Are the children going to be one-sided? It’s one marriage, one home, one family. If you don’t agree with me, that’s your problem. It’s my life, and I get to make my own choices. You can go ahead and pay your fiancée’s bride price, but that’s why I’m not your fiancée. I’ve had a different perspective on life for a long time.”
In her post, Nwachukwu made it clear that she stands by her decision, embracing her beliefs and choices, despite the criticisms that came her way.
